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The Cynical Scribe's Guide to the Top 20 Suppliers of NGS Labs: ASHG 2019 Edition

If you need extra clues, contact [email protected].
Across
We're #3, but our growth was better than #1, #2, and #5 in the first half of 2019.
We're the genomic cartography company. Great technology, modest revenues, impatient stock market
We're #11 in NGS markets, but our stock is falling like autumn leaves - $12.15 on 8/1/19, then $4.40 on 10/1/19.
We're #7. Somebody should write either a Harvard Business School case study or a country western ballad about our bad luck.
We created the ecosystem. 2020 will be the first year we own less than half of it.
We're the Swiss NGS team, and our stock hit an all-time high in September 2019.
We're the new #4. Our lawyers and Bio-Rad's lawyers are getting rich on the same case.
Yo' Qiagen - We're the #2 supplier of NGS labs. Two years ago we made the decision you just made: appease the apex predator, and life will be easier.
We''re the only bioinformatics supplier that also sells sequencing services.
We're privately-held, a lot bigger than you imagined, and surrounded by the great autumn leaves of New England at present.
Down
Now that Qiagen has abdicated the sequencer market, we're Illumina's last (short-read) threat.
Danaher bought us, so they must be serious about NGS markets.
We're #9 in NGS markets, because we've got the ddPCR.
Reno is a great place to gamble, get a divorce, or buy liquid handling robotics from us. Who are we?
We're #12. Labs like the libraries we make. Our sister lab bought too many Novaseqs.
We're #6. Tecan, Hamilton, Eppendorf, and Promega hate us, but NGS labs love us.
We're #5. We'll keep supporting these sequencers, but we won't be supporting our CEO, who vanished in one October press release.
We're #10, and the main reason Illumina tried to buy PacBio.
We're # 13. We're growing fast, but our adversaries (Agilent's lawyers) are growing faster.
We're #8 in NGS markets, but we're #1 in most IVD markets.