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The Cynical Scribe's Guide to the Top Twenty Manufacturers of Oncology Testing Products

If you need extra clues, contact [email protected].
Across
We're the #4 IHC company, with a fearsome fully-auto/open staining system.
We're mainly a chemistry and blood typing company, but we have all the usual tumor markers too. The vulture capital geniuses at Carlyle wish they'd never heard our name.
We've got the Mercedes Benz of digital pathology systems - evidence of the great imagination of our engineers. But none of us imagined how long these sales cycles were going to take.
The newest big name in the histology business, rolled out after the acquisition was finalized in June.
We're bigger than everybody in this puzzle. We're the #3 IVD producer on the planet, but our oncology sales are modest. We make everything but a profit.
We passed Leica in the 2nd quarter; we're now the #2 producer of cancer testing products.
When we were Cell Marque our logo was stately and elegant. Now our logo looks like the graphic designer was paid up front in hallucinogenic mushrooms.
We're the RNAscope gang, BioTechne's smartest acquisition.
We offer the world's fastest KRAS, NRAS, and EGFR. We placed our 1,000th instrument in the first quarter.
Our diagnostics/genomics division was up 13% in the first half. Clinical revenues were up 7%. Hey Tucson...Hey Wetzlar - Cry me a river!
Down
We make the instruments that turn histotechs into burger flippers. We're still privately-held but we'll probably be sold off soon.
We're still #1 in cancer testing products, but tissue pathology sales were down 2% in the first half of the year.
We own the pap business, but workloads are shrinking. We do well in HPV, but margins are shrinking. Thankfully, the youngsters are still hooking up - so our STI menu has kept the shareholders happy so far this year.
We closed the sale of our anatomic pathology unit in June, so now our oncology business is all NGS and PCR.
We're nudging our single gene PCR customers towards our NGS panels, and hoping Illumina has trouble digesting PacBio.
Leica, Radiometer, and Cepheid are our three little sisters. Our parent thinks all three are cuter than we are. We're afraid dad's going to sell us to somebody in China.
After several scary years, our stock is now near its all time high. Exact Sciences recently bought our main breast competitor. We're hoping EXAS drives off all of GHDX's best people.
We make all sorts of nifty histology gadgets that nobody else ever thought of until we did - all upstream from tissue processing.
The Blue Danube Digital Pathology Team (cue the waltz music).
We showed our CEO the door last year because he couldn't grow sales of the broadest product line in the histology business. Lots of staff turnover since then.
We're smart shoppers and pan-European distributors of niche tissue pathology products. Don't try to visit us during tourist season.
Our FISH sales were down 10% for the first half of the year. Our bladder, breast, and lung franchises are all struggling.
All we get are the scraps that fall from the Hologic and Roche tables. We should have stuck to bacteriology; this oncology business in painful.