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The Cynical Scribe's Guide To the Top 20 Infectious Disease Testing Manufacturers - 1st Half 2019 Results Edition

If you need extra clues, contact [email protected].
Across
During the 2nd quarter our net income was $598m on $572m revenues. No typo - that's right. Thank you, Sartorius.
We're the only pure-play POC stock, now with 35,000+ flu instruments installed - but my new cardiology sister is getting all attention. No fair!
We placed our 9,000th syndromic panel instrument in the first quarter, and should hit 10,000 during the third quarter. But growth is slowing. We love you Palmetto...why won't you love us back.
We're the apex predator of the IVD business and we're still cruising - blood screening's up 16%, microbiology was up 26%, POC MoDx was up 21% in the first half of 2019.
We're the #3 IVD manufacturer but we're just #12 in infectious disease testing. Why is the FDA taking so long to approve our syndromic panels?
We've recently automated a TB test with a great trajectory. Now we're working on a lyme test for the same client. Nice work if you can get it.
We sold our service business to Quest; now we're focused on making Cepheid and Qiagen suffer.
Three straight quarters of double-digit molecular diagnostics growth - nobody keeps Roche humble like we do.
We had a great 2nd quarter, our stock is finally getting some respect.
We are a privately-held David. BD is our Goliath. Who are we?
The thought of these Carlyle vultures crying into their beer over this nightmare investment absolutely breaks my heart. See how soft-hearted I am?
Down
We have two big and fierce competitors in blood transfusion markets, but we have the fearsome feline machine, so we're still in the game.
We've placed 30,000+ POC flu instruments, 75% in the US. Good thing they're cheap to make, cause they don't make much money.
In May the FDA approved our syndromic respiratory panel. Then we hired the sherpas of McKesson to put the heat on BioFire, Luminex, and Genmark.
Dear Abby: We built a Top Five IVD company. now owned by a heartless PE firm that loves our three cuter little sisters more than they love us. We're afraid they're going to sell us to somebody in China. Signed, Arnold and Wallace (in Heaven)
We bought GenePOC in May. The original kid with his finger in the dike was Dutch, but this time he's French-Canadian .
We're bigger and richer than everybody else in the ID business (OK, other than Roche). But we're #3 in bacteriology, and we don't like it. Expect us to buy Bruker, Luminex, or Genmark
We placed our 20,000th instrument during the 1st quarter, and everybody wishes they had our growth curve. But new FDA approvals will make our HAI team work harder next year.
Our sample to answer infectious disease business is now bringing in $25m/quarter. Some PE firm is going to buy us break us into three pieces before long.
Molecular down 10%, Rapids down. The Lilliputians were hard on Gulliver during the first half of the year.